If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
