The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
