It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Please don't give away my fajitas
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
