Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
