Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He? As in you personified your dick?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
