the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
