how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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