i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
