Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
