I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
