My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
