I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
