the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
