i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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