Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
