Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
