I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
