You're my little dorito
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
