Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I need water and some morals
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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