I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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