I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
