I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
