my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
