I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
my poor anus
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
