You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
