Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
