I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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