I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
