Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The power of my boobs compel you
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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