So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
