I am in a vortex of obligation.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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