If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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