Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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