Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
