twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
