Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
