What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
