Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
splinters make it hard to masturbate
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
