and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
