he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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