You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize