I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Found your dick twin last night
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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