Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
