I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
