So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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