Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
