I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he was CRYING into my vagina
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
