worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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