: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
