Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
